Riots narrowly averted.
Yesterday afternoon, the generally straight-shooting Yahoo News ran an article titled "Trader Joe's to Close All Stores by 2017, Plans to Discontinue Products." The story claimed the grocery chain was having serious financial struggles, and that a "surprising press release" had just revealed plans to begin phasing out stores in May, starting in Florida. The story, as you may know by now, was an April Fools' Day "joke," and the three-sentence quote from CEO Dan Bane should've been a dead giveaway ("At this point, there isn't enough cookie butter in the world to pave the road ahead"). Still, a large number of people missed the nuance, and those people did not like the purported news very much at all:
WAIT NO THEY CANT CLOSE ALL TRADER JOES THEY'VE GOT THE BEST CHAI LATTE MIX EVER FML
— ca$hgela (@anglunaaa) March 31, 2016
Really sad to hear about Trader Joe's closing. It's a lesson: become digital or die.
— Prof. Jeff Jarvis (@ProfJeffJarvis) March 31, 2016
"That Trader Joe's closing prank was hysterical," I thought while washing the gasoline off my body.
— davidviola (@davidviola) March 31, 2016
Um, there are rules to April fools day jokes. @YahooNews reports Trader Joe's closing all stores in 2017. It's March 31st dickheads. rules.
— Connor Trinneer (@ConnorTrinneer) April 1, 2016
i want to be sad about trader joe's but that place was always weird and creepy too me. except their cookie butter.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 31, 2016
fucking shit, it is an april fool's joke
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 31, 2016
now i hate trader joe's even more
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 31, 2016
there is no "early" april fools joke. u can start effing with ppl/planting seeds but NO EARLY PUNCHLINES. this freakin world i'll tell ya
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 31, 2016
If these people had gotten through the whole article (it's no longer online, possibly because Trader Joe's attorneys got involved), they also may have found this statement at the end:
If this shocking news hits you as hard as it hit me, fear not. It's merely April Fools' time. Now go celebrate being a fool with your favorite cheap wine.
Of course, who has time to read whole articles when they're busy freaking the freak out about the end of blue-cheese-pecan dip? Also: The story posted on March 31, violating the only rule about April Fools' jokes — that they stay confined to the 24 hours of April Fools' Day. Plenty of companies and even chefs use today to get free publicity, but a lot of them are getting incredibly desperate about it. Like FreshDirect, which went so far as to put up an entire billboard before April 1 that pretend-sells its meteorite "space salt":
FreshDirect touts "space salt" sourced from meteorites. Yes, it's that time of year. https://t.co/lcTgmTlqk5 pic.twitter.com/xGESH5QDcs
— Charles Passy (@CharlesPassy) March 31, 2016
Just stick to the rules, people, and we'll all make it through this horrible fake holiday together.
[Snopes]
Read more posts by Clint Rainey
Filed Under: funny business, april fool's day, the chain gang, trader joe's